Skyscrapers loom large in New York City—but more often than not, those massive buildings contain tiny rooms, crowded offices, and shoebox-sized apartments. As such, imagine my surprise when the trailer for the forthcoming Clifford the Big Red Dog dropped Tuesday and revealed that Clifford—massive, scarlet Clifford—resides in New York, of all places. Anyone who grew up reading the Clifford the Big Red Dog books, written by author and cartoonist Norman Bridwell, knows that this is not canon. Clifford was often juxtaposed against the quaint houses of a suburban town near the water, which is exactly where a dog as large as Clifford should reside.   

Clifford’s size was ambiguous in the books; in an interview with Collider, Clifford director Jordan Kerner says that the dog ranged “from eight feet tall to 35 feet, depending upon the book you were reading.” In the film, though, he’s firmly 10 feet tall—a height chosen, apparently, because it made him big, but not too big to fit indoors. 

Obviously, adhering to reality and the laws of physics are not a primary concern when crafting a children’s movie about a giant red dog. Still, putting a 10-foot dog in Manhattan of all places is uniquely absurd—a fact the new trailer proves time and again.  For example:

• In the opening sequence, Clifford—still a regular-sized red dog—is adopted by Emily Elizabeth (Darby Camp) and her Uncle Casey (Jack Whitehall) from a magical animal rescuer (John Cleese) who tells Emily that Clifford will grow, depending “on how much you love him.” The trailer then implies that Emily’s single tear is enough to make Clifford grow from a tiny puppy to a crimson behemoth. Should we be harvesting the tears of young children and pouring them on various items to supersize them? Might solve world hunger.
• Overnight, Clifford becomes approximately 10 feet tall. But he still fits comfortably in Emily’s bedroom, which means that her ceilings must be at least 15 feet tall.  And given the way Clifford whips around with abandon in there, the bedroom itself has got to be at least 600 square feet, which is larger than my studio apartment. I’m just saying: I don’t know that many apartments in NYC that have this much space for a 12 year old girl. Also, she has a fireplace and mantle in there, which is very chic at any age.
• After adorably sneezing on Emily (this movie was filmed in the pre-COVID era), Clifford has to leave her apartment. We get a shot of him simply walking out the front door and onto the streets of New York. Sure, maybe Clifford could fit through the doorway—but, I’m sorry, there’s absolutely no way a 10-foot dog could walk through a pre-war building’s hallways, which can barely fit two human-sized people side by side.
• Then, we’re at the vet, played by Kenan Thompson, to try and figure how on earth Clifford got to be so large so quickly. Thompson wears a Banfield Pet Hospital coat, which has two locations in New York: one on the Upper West Side, and one in Brooklyn. Assuming they went to the location on the Upper West Side (they do seem to live steps away from Central Park), a quick Google Street View search suggests that the location could not handle a dog of Clifford’s size.
• Clifford is driven to the park in a UHaul truck (that scans) and finally gets to play outside. Unfortunately, he also accidentally assaults a man in a giant bubble, throwing him into a tree. Given the size and location of Uncle Casey’s apartment—read: $$$—that man should definitely consider pressing charges. Could be a big payday for him.
• Clifford accidentally eats a pug in a fancy high-rise apartment with floor-to-ceiling windows. It’s reasonable to assume Clifford could fit into this apartment, but the question remains: how does he get upstairs? He’s certainly not taking the elevator (he broke the scale at the vet!) and I highly doubt he can fit in the stairwell. Make it make sense!
• The house training issue. Enough said.

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