Human resources departments should scrap those unpredictable personality tests to screen out applicants who may or may not fit their corporate culture.
Giving prospective employees a gift certificate to a calendar store would be a far more accurate barometer. Those who hang up a Garfield calendar will give off a slightly different cubicle vibe than those who gravitate to the Ultimate Fighting Championship.
Calendars in the workplace are 98 percent self-expression, 2 percent practical. BlackBerries, Yahoo! and Google have done to the office calendar what cell phones have done to the wristwatch.
To me, the most consistently clever calendars belong to Despair.com, the archnemesis of the motivational product industry that matches character values (SUCCESS, DETERMINATION, TEAMWORK) with dramatic action photos of whitewater rafting and mountain climbing.
Despair’s “Demotivator” calendars subversively undermine workplace cliches such as “the customer is always right,” or that hard work is always rewarded. The MOTIVATION print of a gorgeous lake at sunset says it all: “If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.”
The 2010 calendar is saturated with datelines commemorating corporate failure, workplace injustices, marketing mistakes and economic disaster (see sidebar).
Depending on your perspective, it is either the funniest or the most depressing business calendar on the market. But it also may be the riskiest to display in your office. Take the “Self Esteem” poster, for example, which features a lone starfish on an expansive beach. If you have been spinning your wheels, even if it is no fault of your own, do you really want your boss reading this above your desk?
“Just because you think you’re a star doesn’t mean you’re going anywhere.”
Ditto for the “Procrastination” slogan, “Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.” You could be a nose-to-the-grindstone kind of guy, but the one time you’re caught playing Freecell, those words will brand you forever.
But according to Lawrence Kersten, Despair’s co-founder and chief operating officer, the bosses are often in on the joke.
“I think that almost everybody is frustrated by how hard it is to achieve their goals at work,” he says. “Those at the top wonder why those at the bottom can’t follow the rules, do their jobs and appreciate the opportunity they’ve been given. Those at the bottom wonder why those at the top have such stupid rules, prevent them from doing their jobs and fail to appreciate their contribution.
“Everybody can identify with our products,” Kersten adds. “They just locate the source of the problem somewhere other than themselves.”
Aside from flexible hours and the 401(k) plan, I instinctively judge a company by what is hanging on its walls – and I’ve always regarded motivational posters to be PATRONIZING and CONDESCENDING.
Kersten, who makes a living on the same premise, thinks I might be overanalyzing the psychology behind such purchases.
“A lot of people buy them because they are non-offensive, inexpensive office art,” he says. “Rather than fighting over art, people choose them because they have a ‘pretty picture and a cute saying.’ As such, they’re low risk . . . like vanilla ice cream.”
Nevertheless, if you happen to be like most human beings and occasionally procrastinate or fail to live up to your full potential, it’s wise to keep your Demotivator calendar at your home office.
For your cubicle, go with something that blends – the Red Sox, Cat Yoga, Carrie Underwood, the Jonas Brothers. Anything that doesn’t brand you as EXPENDABLE.
